At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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