I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
