This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
