Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
