You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We had sex on a dog bed..
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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