So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
