i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
