Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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