im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
