You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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