don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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