Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
