Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
