just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Randomize
