this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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