its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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