I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
