if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
