Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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