Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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