my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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