some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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