Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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