So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
