I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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