he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
