My friends, they love my intelligence
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
