too bad you live with your parents still
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
