We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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