accomplished twins. life is a go
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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