Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
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