I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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