I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
