From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
