He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize