This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
