she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
don't judge my taste in strippers
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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