I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
