there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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