I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
