I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
