Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
