quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize