Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
