Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
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