So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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