barbara walters just said penis...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
