he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Randomize
