mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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