That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize