***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
