Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
