i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My legs feel like baby dolphins
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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