I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
