4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
someone threw a dead crab at me
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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