Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
