Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
