Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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