I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize