You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
