You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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