I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
