I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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