Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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