I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
