Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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