He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
