I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
