When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
