i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
