How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
