I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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