Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
